DevTopics is a high-level and sometimes satirical look at software development and computer technology. When we occasionally dive into the details, it's usually about C# and .NET programming. DevTopics is written by Timm Martin, a software developer and entrepreneur. (More)
Apple Inc. has filed a federal lawsuit against “the world” for violating its U.S. Patent 3,141,5926 “Removing a Booger by Performing Gestures with a Finger.” Apple is demanding licensing royalties from all world citizens who pick their nose, and a cease & desist order against Kleenex tissues for providing citizens with an alternate method to jailbreak boogers and avoid Apple’s patent.
This new legal action follows a similar lawsuit that Apple filed against rival phone maker HTC for allegedly violating 20 of Apple’s mobile phone patents. The Apple patents include “novel” inventions such as U.S. Patent 7,657,849 for unlocking a phone with a finger swipe.
If all publicity is good publicity, then Apple is basking in the glow of its hot new gadget, the iPad, which is not only the talk of the tech world, but has also become the favorite butt of jokesters worldwide.
Following are some of the best jokes about the Apple iPad found online and especially on Twitter. Warning: Given the subject matter, these jokes are not always tasteful.
The iPad: Protecting your data from embarrassing incidents. (kathycacace)
Uncomfortable cramping and bloating? There’s an app for that. (Attagrrrl)
The Ranter is a bit tired of the “coolest app” conversation that inevitably occurs when he talks with another iPhone user. It seems like there is a time-wasting iPhone app for just about everything except making a phone call, which is the true reason most people buy a mobile phone in the first place.
Check out this funny fake iPhone commercial that addresses this problem:
Most of my friends don’t pay for their music. Sure, they’ll buy and receive CDs for birthdays and Christmas. But when they hear a song on the radio that they like, they simply download it for free from one of the hundreds of peer-to-peer, torrent or pirate networks.
These friends enjoy access to the most comprehensive music catalog in the world that includes The Beatles and many obscure acts. They own tens of thousands of songs. They can play their music on any computer, stereo, automobile or portable device without worrying about copy protection or play limits. Their music is high-fidelity 256 kbps MP3s, a sound that’s fairly close to the original recordings. They own their music forever, with no expired subscriptions to worry about. And the best part is they didn’t have to pay a cent for this incredible restriction-free collection of music.
Then there’s me. No doubt I am the stupid one of the group for actually paying for my music. Every one of the 5,645 songs in my catalog was fully paid for, either by purchasing a physical CD or a digital download from Apple iTunes.
Microsoft announced plans to open its own chain of branded stores to catch up with rival Apple and its successful foray into retailing. Microsoft did not reveal how many stores it planned to open, when they would open, or which products it would sell in the stores.
A little humor on the subject by Jimmy Fallon:
“Despite the recession, Microsoft is planning to open stores to compete with Apple. The Microsoft stores will be just like the Apple stores, except the staff will freeze when you ask them any questions.”
The marketing problem with naming your product “Genius” is that you immediately put your product on a pedestal, and there’s nowhere to go but down.
The Genius feature — new in Apple’s iTunes software — recommends music that you may like based on the songs in your current playlist. It worked well enough for a while, prompting me to buy about a half dozen new songs it recommended. But the Genius feature worked only for a few days and has been broken ever since, in spite of a few iTunes upgrades.
Perhaps Genius is actually an Idiot Savant.
Update: As you probably know, Apple’s true Genius — Steve Jobs — is on medical leave from the company. We wish Steve a speedy recovery!
An unsubstantiated rumor posted on a CNN website caused a sharp drop in Apple’s stock price Friday. The early morning report caused Apple shares to plummet to their lowest point in a year. Apple denied the report as soon as they heard about it, and Apple’s stock recovered by the time CNN removed the false report, but Apple stock ended down 3 percent for the day due to the broader market slide.
Apple pulled the plug on a controversial application sold in its new iTunes App Store. Last Thursday, Apple removed the $999.99 “I Am Rich” application created by developer Armin Heinrich. Apparently eight idiots with nothing better to do with their money had purchased the “glorified screensaver” before it was removed from sale.
The “I am Rich” application displays a glowing red gem on the iPhone screen for the sole purpose of proving that the iPhone’s owner is either rich or stupid or probably both. That’s literally all it does. Here is the product’s official description: “The red icon on your iPhone or iPod Touch always reminds you (and others when you show it to them) that you were able to afford this. It’s a work of art with no hidden function at all.”
The marketing problem with naming your product “Genius” is that you immediately put your product on a pedestal, and there’s nowhere to go but down. 