Mar 31

Photo by Michelle Dennis, used under license April Fool’s Day is tomorrow, April 1st.  It’s an annual “holiday” when humor reigns, and pranks and practical jokes are expected and allowed. 

Computers are a great medium for April Fool’s jokers because most users have no clue what goes on behind those blinking computer lights.  So when a hapless user is hit with a computer prank, they immediately suspect a malfunction, virus or worse.

Here’s a fun article from last year.  If you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!

Best April Fool’s Day Computer Pranks

Mar 12

An old joke floating around the Internet lately…

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant. 

If your father smokes three packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years and dies of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender. 

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. 

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. 

And if a crazed person breaks into a jet cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, but the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline. 

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my old wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates!

Web Funny

Mar 04

Apple Inc. has filed a federal lawsuit against “the world” for violating its U.S. Patent 3,141,5926 “Removing a Booger by Performing Gestures with a Finger.”  Apple is demanding licensing royalties from all world citizens who pick their nose, and a cease & desist order against Kleenex tissues for providing citizens with an alternate method to jailbreak boogers and avoid Apple’s patent.

U.S. Patent 3,141,5926 "Removing a Booger by Performing Gestures with a Finger"

This new legal action follows a similar lawsuit that Apple filed against rival phone maker HTC for allegedly violating 20 of Apple’s mobile phone patents.  The Apple patents include “novel” inventions such as U.S. Patent 7,657,849 for unlocking a phone with a finger swipe.

Continue reading »

Feb 19

Here’s an old joke that’s been floating around the Internet again:

Why computers may be female:

  1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Why computers may be male:

  1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
  2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Feb 01

 

If all publicity is good publicity, then Apple is basking in the glow of its hot new gadget, the iPad, which is not only the talk of the tech world, but has also become the favorite butt of jokesters worldwide

Following are some of the best jokes about the Apple iPad found online and especially on Twitter.  Warning: Given the subject matter, these jokes are not always tasteful.

 

The iPad: Protecting your data from embarrassing incidents.  (kathycacace)

Uncomfortable cramping and bloating?  There’s an app for that.  (Attagrrrl)

Continue reading »

Dec 23

It’s holiday time, and hopefully most of you are home enjoying time with your family and loved ones.  But if you’re like me, at some point over the holidays you will escape to your computer for a little diversion.  So to keep you in the holiday spirit, here are some Christmas and Santa Claus-related goodies for computer programmers.

Continue reading »

Sep 17

Many people steal software because they are too stupid to know that it’s wrong, or too dumb to get a job so they can pay for what they are stealing.

Though many pirates will tell you how smart they are because they’re getting stuff for free while the rest of us have to pay.  It does sound smart, I guess, if you can get beyond that whole moral “stealing is bad” thing and the threat of bad karma.

But the stupidest pirate of all is the one that asks the software maker to help them steal their own software.  Dushyant was dim enough to join the CodeSmith forums on the CodeSmith website and ask, “can any one post me the serial key to trick the CodeSmith Professional 5.1.1.8242”.

The CodeSmith moderator answered straight at first: “You will need to contact sales for a key (sales@codesmithtools.com).

But the stupid pirate asked again.  So the CodeSmith people decided to play with this dolt and responded:  “enter this as the key: CS50P-0NLY4-1D10T-W0ULD-TRYT0-45KU5-TH15Q” which loosely translates as “only an idiot would try to ask us this question.”

You think Dushyant would finally realize he’s been served, but staying true to form, he responded, “The key you provided does not work to as serial key to crack the version.

Read the thread at CodeSmith.com
Stupid-Is-As-Stupid-Does

Sep 11

Pizza Humor

Uncategorized 3 Comments »

A pizza with radius z and crust height a, has a volume calculated by:

pi*z*z*a

From Stefan Tanase

Aug 14

We all know that software licenses are a joke.  They’re overly long, full of complex legalese, and completely indemnify the software manufacturer of any responsibility whatsoever.  Software is perhaps the only mainstream business in the world where it’s both expected and accepted that its products are flawed.

So it’s quite refreshing to see a software license that’s short, to-the-point, and brutally honest:

Aug 14

We’ve discussed before the “21 Laws of Computer Programming.”  Now PC World has come up with “35 Unwritten Laws of Technology.”  Here are some of my favorites:

The likelihood that Windows will automatically install time-sucking critical updates is directly proportional to your need to get your PC started.  — Steve Fox, PC World

Your backup plan is only as good as your last successful restore. — Michael Fisher, ElephantDrive.com via HARO

Fix a computer for a friend or family member, and you’ll be tech support for life. — Danny Allen, PC World

Your laptop’s battery life is inversely proportional to the amount of work you need to get done on a single charge. — Blair Hanley Frank, Macworld

iTunes will crash. That’s it. No, really. — Darren Gladstone, PC World

35 Unwritten Laws of Technology