May 06


Two bytes meet.  The first byte asks, “Are you ill?” 
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight bytes walk into a bar.  The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah,” reply the bytes.  “Make us a double.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat.  An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!” 

To which the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp.  He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.  “I am the most powerful genie in the world.  I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.” 

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.” 

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know.  Those people have been fighting for millennia.  I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.” 

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users.  Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you heard about the new Cray super computer?  It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”

The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”

“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea.  – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One hundred little bugs in the code
One hundred little bugs.
Fix a bug, link the fix in,
One hundred little bugs in the code.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.  The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”



The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike.  She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice!  Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comic 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Funny Error Messages

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God as a Programmer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Computer Stupidities

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun.  The code doesn’t actually have to do anything if it’s executed, but it should look like regular code.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why computers are like men:

  1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
  2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:

  1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laws of Computer Programming

  1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
  2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
  3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
  4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
  5. Any program will expand to fill available memory.
  6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
  7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
  8. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
  9. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
  10. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Lubarsky’s Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There’s always one more bug.
  • Shaw’s Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
  • Woltman’s Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.
  • Gallois’ Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A programmer finds himself in front of a committee that decides whether he should go to Heaven or Hell.  The committee tells the programmer he has a say in the matter and asks him if he wants to see either Heaven or Hell before stating his preference.

“Sure,” the programmer replies.  “I have a pretty good idea what Heaven is like, so let’s see Hell.”  So an angel takes the programmer to a sunny beach, full of beautiful women in skimpy bikinis playing volleyball, listening to music and having a great time.  “Wow!” he exclaims, “Hell looks great!  I’ll take Hell!”

Instantly the programmer finds himself in red-hot lava with demons tearing at his flesh.  “Where’s the beach?  The music?  The women?” he screams frantically to the angel.

“That was the demo,” the angel replies as she vanishes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer.  This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge.  They set themselves before their computers and begin.  They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.  He asks Satan to show his work.  Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing.  I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. 

Satan is astonished.  He stutters, “B-b-but how?!  I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact!  How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck Computer Terms

LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gittin’ home in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it’s cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut when it’s black fly season.
BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys.
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER: Northerner talk fer, “C’mon in, y’all.”
CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun.
DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don’t far when you pull the trigger.
REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty’s still outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Software Development Cycles

  1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
  2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
  3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
  4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
  5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
  6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
  7. Users find 137 new bugs.
  8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
  9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
  10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
  11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
  12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
  13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer

  1. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
  2. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family.  Prepare to die!
  3. You question the worthiness of my code?  I should kill you where you stand!
  4. Our competitors are without honor!
  5. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
  6. This machine is GAGH!  I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
  7. Perhaps it IS a good day to die!  I say we ship it!
  8. Our users will know fear and cower before our software!  Ship it!  Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
  9. My program has just dumped Stova Core!
  10. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis!  The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good <HEAD> on her <BODY>, reason 0 being that he has limited cache.  So he searches his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket.  His last girlfriend always complained about his lack of comments. He fumed, “I hate commenting!”  Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits.  This resulted in a Syntax Error.  Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as “Feature Creep.”  He smacked her back-end and shouted, “Who’s your parent node?!”  He scanned for open ports.  He attempted to install a backdoor worm but her response was 403.  While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process.  But instead she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer.  To expedite the routine routine, she screamed, “Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You’re 1337, baby!”  This caused his stack to overflow, and he shot his GUI on her interface.  (Source)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’s the difference between drug dealers and computer programmers?

Drug Dealers Computer Programmers
Refer to their clients as “users”. Refer to their clients as “users”.
“The first one’s free!” “Download a free trial version…”
Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff). Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).
Strange jargon: “Stick,” “Rock,” “Dime bag,” “E”. Strange jargon: “SCSI,” “RTFM,” “Java,” “ISDN”.
Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market. Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by the industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes. Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, faster machines.
Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers. Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists.
Their product causes unhealthy addictions. DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. ‘Nuff said.
Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you. Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!
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Article published on May 6, 2008




145 Responses to “Best Programming Jokes”

  1. SickDotNet Says:

    Hilarious, great compilation! :)

  2. amr elgarhy Says:

    WOWwwwwwww, i read it all and made me laugh a lot, hehehehe
    Thanks for great collection

  3. Best Programming Jokes ... Says:

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  4. Bromas para programadores Says:

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  5. depl0y.com » Programming Jokes Says:

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  6. Jeremiah Says:

    There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand trinary, those who don’t, and those who mistake it for binary.

  7. LG Says:

    This can be done by a programmer only… how is it possible?? a programmer did it???

  8. Best Programming Jokes Says:

    [...] Go! never in my life Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

  9. hamid reza Says:

    This is a fact which I think may look like a joke:
    - How do you know C programmers?
    - They always count items starting from zero.

  10. John S. Says:

    My favorite:
    Programmer 1: We have a problem
    Programmer 2: Let’s use RegEx!
    Programmer 1: Now we have two problems

  11. Geeky jokes | MARiUS GRiCiUS Says:

    [...] 1 and 2] Turit savo firminių juokelių? [...]

  12. Jaymz Says:

    A SQL query goes to a restaurant, walks up to 2 tables and says “Can I join you”?

  13. Tom Says:

    Awesome post!
    Made me laugh very hard…
    “I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”
    :D

  14. rtaylor.info » Blog Archive » Programming Jokes Says:

    [...] acceptable and in certain circles even “cool”, however actually laughing out loud at programming jokes gets very close to actually crossing the line. [...]

  15. rtaylor.info » Blog Archive » Programming Jokes Says:

    [...] acceptable and in certain circles even “cool”, however actually laughing out loud at programming jokes gets very close to actually crossing the line. [...]

  16. Subash Says:

    impressive :))

    i just can’t stop laughing…

  17. סדקים » Blog Archive » הומור של מתכנתים Says:

    [...] שני בייטים נכנסים לפאב, המוזג שואל אותם “מה אפשר להכין לכם” אז הבייטים עונים “תעשה אותנו כפול”. ולמי שלא הבין, שינסה את המקור האנגלי [...]

  18. Chistes para programadores Says:

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  19. ahura mazda Says:

    a take on the 10 types of people.

    there are 3 types of people in the world;
    those that can count,
    and those that cannot.

  20. Dew Drop - May 9, 2008 | Alvin Ashcraft's Morning Dew Says:

    [...] Best Programming Jokes (Timm Webb) [...]

  21. mdmadph Says:

    That first joke is just offensive — seriously, programmers are introverts (they don’t even go near members of the opposite sex). A much better punchline would be “because you see them washing their hands.”

    HURR

  22. Welcome to Paradise Says:

    Totally hilarious, thanks for this great compilation to jokes mate.

  23. links for 2008-05-09 « Unseen’d Says:

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  24. Amazing Computers, IT and Programming Jokes | .NETics Says:

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  25. rascunho » Blog Archive » links for 2008-05-09 Says:

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  26. Programming Jokes « PHP::Impact ( [str blog] ) Says:

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  30. Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer | ShawTim's Gossip Says:

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  33. Le blog de Vincent Battaglia » En vrak - 77 Says:

    [...] Les meilleures blagues en rapport avec la programmation. Si vous ne comprenez pas, ne vous inquiétez pas, vous êtes un être humain sain et normal… [...]

  34. Ravi Says:

    Awesome buddy………great collection !!!!

  35. Can I has Links? « Unseen’d Says:

    [...] Can I has Links? Δημοσιεύθηκε στο News, Web by unseen στο Μάιος 12th, 2008 Σε μια από τις γνωστές πλέον περιηγήσεις μου στο ιντερνέτς βρήκα κάποια ωραία sites. Το πρώτο είναι με “Τα καλύτερα Αστεία Προγραμματιστών ή Προγραμματισμού”. Μπορείτε να τα βρείτε εδώ. [...]

  36. These are classic! | Mutant Web Says:

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  37. jokes about students making errors Says:

    [...] A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike …http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/Math jokes collection by Andrej and Elena Cherkaev… makes people ill, mathematics make them sad [...]

  38. Greg Says:

    An addition to the “CIA” list: I’ve actually gotten people to understand something they didn’t previously by telling them to think of SMTP as an abbreviation for “send mail to people.”

  39. Advertencias y Errores | Blog de Marcelo Ramos | Lo que hago, lo que me interesa, lo que me llama la atención Says:

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  40. Hau den Lukas Says:

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  41. Chistes de programadores | Infozombies Says:

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  42. greatest jokes Says:

    [...] [...]

  43. MMM Says:

    i found those Computer Industry Acronyms very interesting..
    good collection.. cheers

  44. Iva Says:

    Bravo, mnogo qko, mnogo mi haresa :)

  45. optimiced | bg » Колекция вицове за програмисти и технологии Says:

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  46. Dereck Says:

    Nice jokes, great collection

  47. salman Says:

    Great joke…hahaha

  48. best jokes Says:

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  49. The Great Geek Manual » Link Round-Up: May 9 Says:

    [...] DevTopics has posted a great list of the Best Programming Jokes. [...]

  50. vivian Says:

    Thats one great compliation. Fantastic.

  51. Nicholas Wright Says:

    I like lots of them, except for the very first one. =/
    Extremely insulting to people in the IT profession.

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  53. Corat - Coret Ad0n » Best Programming Jokes Says:

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  54. sky Says:

    no bad!

  55. sky Says:

    “Knock, knock.”
    “Who’s there?”
    very long pause….
    “Java.”

    and why???

  56. Shutterbug Says:

    Great, made me laugh many times.

  57. Klaus Says:

    I laughed hard. Thanks.

  58. Giorgos Says:

    hey! nice! ;) U little GEEKS!!!1 hahaah Im a geek too :P

  59. Wiizl Says:

    Jesus saves :D That was great!!!!!

  60. » :: “What is computer’s gender?” There is a wise saying: Live, then write Says:

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  62. Adam Says:

    The comedy code link doesn’t work. This is very funny, but where can I see the comedy code?

  63. timm Says:

    >The comedy code link doesn’t work. This is very funny, but where can I see the comedy code?

    The site appears to be down now. Hopefully it will come back up soon. But if you ever need to see the prior contents of a site, check out archive.org. Here’s the most recent capture of the comedycode site:

    http://web.archive.org/web/20080122003440/http://www.comedycode.com/

  64. even cant genie help users to satisfied with programmer software | Umer Talha Says:

    [...] source [...]

  65. Khyati Shah Says:

    superb ! I liked the Laws of .. in particular.

  66. Un poco de humor “friki” | César D. Rodas Says:

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  67. Andrew Says:

    To improve
    “Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
    The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.””

    Change to:
    “7F and FF meet. FF asks 7F, “Are you ill?”
    7F replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

    MUCH better joke and WAY nerdier.

  68. hardare problem? Says:

    hardare problem?

  69. Aaron Says:

    I loved the comic clip. :D

  70. jayson Says:

    That comic picture with the C++ code on the blackboard made me laugh. Programmers are so lazy

  71. Petre Patrasc Says:

    Brilliant ! It really helped me get over what I was doing. Cheers ! :)

  72. The Cave » Blog Archive » Who’s your paret node?! Says:

    [...] Here: The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good <HEAD> on her <BODY>, reason 0 being that he has limited cache. [...]

  73. Gregory Says:

    Спасибо! Весёлые шутки! Подборка просто THE BEST!!!
    Thank you! Сheerful jokes! Selection THE BEST!!!

  74. Ronald Mugumba Says:

    very hilarious jokes , thank you guys for the collection you’ve really made my day.

  75. CodeHill » 8 Links to Programmer Jokes Pages Says:

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  76. Un poco de humor “friki” « Pygosfera Says:

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  77. Lachezar Says:

    It was a pleasure reading this. It made me laugh a lot. Especially the geeky kid and the code on the blackboard.

  78. Kiril Says:

    A great mix : “Only Chuck Norris can edit PDF’s”

  79. David Says:

    A Windows programmers hobby: bug collector.

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  82. Leo Says:

    Gr8, Gr8…. I got de best programming techniques from above…hahahah lolz

  83. Best Programming Jokes | Wood TV Stand Says:

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  84. Phaoloo Says:

    Can’t stop laughing haha, they are awesome. Thanks!

  85. Twitted by chayanin Says:

    [...] This post was Twitted by chayanin [...]

  86. » Funny One-Liners to add to your bugzilla Quip List Says:

    [...] following jokes are completely unoriginal, and credit is due to these websites: http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/ http://www.jokes.net/shortprogrammerjokes.htm http://www.heuse.com/cphumor.htm [...]

  87. Ansari Says:

    public sub theMovementYouRead(Me)

    msgBox “Hello everyone from ” & Me.name

    Dim i as Integer
    For i=0 to 100 Step 1
    debug.print “Kisses”
    Next

    dim strAnswer as string
    strAnswer = InputBox(“Will you be my friend?”)

    if strAnswer = “yes” then
    msgBox “qayamuddin@ymail.com”
    else
    msgBox “Have a good day!”
    Unload Me
    end

    End Sub

  88. How to Tell if You’re a Programmer Geek Says:

    [...] think these programming jokes are [...]

  89. Happy Six Monthiversary! Six lessons to a better romantic relationship with your programmer. « I Built His Cage Says:

    [...] you know the programmer joke about the shower?  I could see that happening. Programmers love routines-FOR EVERYTHING. So [...]

  90. Ashley Says:

    Quite funny :D LMAO :)

  91. Joe Says:

    “Damn damn damn!” …. bwhahaaaaaa!!!

  92. C#-Witze « Das Megos .NET-Weblog Says:

    [...] allgemeine Sammlung zum Thema Programmierer-Humor, die mir recht gut gefallen hat, findet man hier. Mein persönlicher Favorit daraus: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? [...]

  93. Jerry Says:

    well I don’t understand the first joke.

  94. mg Says:

    Once a young software programmer meet Zen master MG in a bar and requested for help,
    “My wife run away with my neighbour,” he said with tears in his eyes behind anti glare specs.
    “Wow! Chill out, now you are free..hmm!”, MG chuckled and moved a cigarette packet towards him.
    “But my memory still hanging around my wife” he said painfully while lighting his cigarette.
    “Ok, log in to PhpMyAdmin, access My SQL database and delete the old files,” replyed MG with a misterious look.
    “Oh, shit! I’m free!”, exclaimed the the programmer.
    “One more fool get enlightened!”, said MG quitely and finished his glass.

  95. Tagalog Jokes Says:

    I definitely enjoyed reading your insights and learning from your blogsite. Thank you for sharing such an interesting and informative article. – Tagalog Jokes

  96. Шутка про Прогеров и Наркодиллеров - Блог Геворка Says:

    [...] http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/ AKPC_IDS += "68,";Популярность: 0 [...]

  97. For Loops FTW! | `wyldKard's Says:

    [...] Source: devtopics.com [...]

  98. Best Programmer T-Shirts Says:

    [...] (see more programmer jokes) [...]

  99. aaron Says:

    while ($noise == $room)
    {
    echo “echo”;
    }

  100. 3 Best Possible If-Else Construct Alternatives | MarketingTypo.com Says:

    [...] Comic Via [...]

  101. John Says:

    For Codd’s sake!

  102. mack Says:

    A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

    The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

    “You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

    “I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but It’s of no use to anyone.”

    The man below replies, “You must work in management.”

    “I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how’d you know?”

    “Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

  103. paul Says:

    i’m appalled that they would include a comic but not include XKCD!

  104. EdurarTe Says:

    “Knock, knock.”
    “Who’s there?”
    very long pause….
    “Java.”

    damn it made me laught for hours, very nice compilation!

    cout << FTW! << endl;

  105. Funny Programming Jokes | Amrykid's Epic Blog Says:

    [...] Everyone needs a good laugh, even programmers. Heres some jokes that programmers will get (but most people) won’t. Click here [...]

  106. Andra Says:

    Those were hilarious, and inspired me to write a funny poem about a baby trying to choose which programming language to learn.

  107. KarqBlog » Programming Jokes Says:

    [...] via Best Programming Jokes. [...]

  108. sm1s Says:

    A SQL query goes to a restaurant, walks up to 2 tables and says “Can I join you”?

    Lol u just made my day

  109. Aamir Ali Says:

    Very funny. thanks.

  110. axfa Says:

    nice program & the jokes was very funny :-j

  111. dIPKIRAN Says:

    if(int i=1;i<=100000000000….;i++)
    cout<<"ha ha ha ha ha ha…."<<"n";
    else
    cout<<"god damn funny jokes!!!!"
    getch();
    }

  112. Twitted by __luizfilipe Says:

    [...] This post was Twitted by __luizfilipe [...]

  113. Twitted by hannelita Says:

    [...] This post was Twitted by hannelita [...]

  114. Programming Jokes » ~B! Says:

    [...] from source. [...]

  115. HR Says:

    Java Programmer 1: We have a problem in our website
    Java Programmer 2: Let’s use Struts!
    Java Programmer 1: Now we have two problems

  116. Software Development Cycles… ;-) | webdesign joomla online business marketing geeks und das web 2.0 Says:

    [...] [via Best Programming Jokes] [...]

  117. acetrix Says:

    hinga@hinga-laptop:~$baby can i sudo-apt get install you!
    Waiting for headers…[0%]
    Do you want to continue [Y/n]?Y
    Reading packages…Done!
    Ass…[100%]
    Tits…[100%]
    Do you still want to continue[Y/n]?Y
    Installing packages…
    Done…

  118. Christmas Computer Programming with Santa Claus Says:

    [...] More Programming Jokes [...]

  119. saru suji Says:

    good jokes

  120. Compilado de enlaces « droope.wordpress Says:

    [...] Mejores chistes de programacion [...]

  121. Abhi Says:

    Nice jokes:)
    But being a software engineer is not this much funnier ….!

  122. Abhi Says:

    Anyhow IT field gonna rock EVER :):)

  123. Jake Says:

    The third joke it should be 8 bits walk into a bar

  124. NOICEX.ch » Blog Archive » Programming Jokes & Fun Says:

    [...] the website devtopics.com Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. A man [...]

  125. JDawg79 Says:

    Hahahaa, this is awesome. Thanks for the laughs. This made up for my lousy programming week. Okay, not totally, but it helped.

  126. Richard Rahl Says:

    A SQL statement walks into a bar.

    It sees two tables and says “Hey, can I join you guys?”

  127. Local SEO Says:

    First one alone is a thumbs down (rape ain’t funny, folks, come on), and it didn’t get any better from there.

  128. fullbc webcomic Says:

    nice collection had a good laugh. here’s entire comic on these kind of jokes
    http://www.fullbc.in

  129. kedar Says:

    @fullbc wecomic,
    lolzz man its awesome good work carry on will keep checking FullBC

  130. just websurfer Says:

    pretty funny, I really enjoyed reading them

  131. Feeling a bit off – Blog with best developer jokes « systemfeld blog Says:

    [...] Feeling a bit off – Blog with best developer jokes: http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/ [...]

  132. Sip from the Firehose : Want more…Fun Says:

    [...] "Best Programming Jokes" and tell some of them to your programmer [...]

  133. Jake Says:

    haha, some of those hurt though, damn, damn DAMN, haha

  134. Yolie Says:

    LOL Hillarious!!! Whoever came up with those is a genious!!! My favorites were the genie joke and the “Programming is like sex:” joke LOL too funny!!!

  135. Samket Says:

    Become a software developer. Sofware you make will be:

    Criticized by testers
    Laughed at by project managers
    Hated by end users.

    Your feeling of self-worth depends largely on how people treat software you made.

  136. - News And Reviews Says:

    [...] – Biggie (Original Version)Video: Drake & Nicki Minaj Perform “Make Me Proud” on SNLBest Programming Jokes body { background-color: #ffffff; [...]

  137. SendOff Says:

    Hey DevTopics: Would you remove the first joke about rape already? I agree with Nicholas Wright and localSEO–the only devs with class apparently. I *was* going to send this list to a coder I like…

  138. programmer Says:

    hahaha, now that is funny:
    http://imgur.com/nOE35z1

  139. Roy M J Says:

    Hilarious man.. awesome collection.. ;)

  140. Sem 1: Few Programming Related Jokes ← Vivek's Blog Says:

    [...] http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/ [...]

  141. Feeling a bit off – Blog with best developer jokes | systemfeld Says:

    [...] Feeling a bit off – Blog with best developer jokes: http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/ [...]

  142. Tony Lea Says:

    Haha, these are awesome. I took 2 of these for my own article on the top 10 programming jokes: http://www.tonylea.com/2013/10-awesome-programming-jokes/

    Thanks for a few of the good ones.

    Much apreesh!

  143. Venigenous Says:

    There are plenty of good programmer jokes on this stack overflow topic:

    http://stackoverflow.com/q/234075/3284114

    Cheers! :D

  144. Jonny Says:

    A: Do you want to make a fortune?
    B: while fortune; do fortune ; done

  145. Shattered stopwatch | Green Dream Says:

    […] Of course, what I will learn and do will be much more complex than this […]

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