Apr 21

Let’s face it: computer programmers became cool with the dot-com wave.  It wasn’t just the Artist-Formerly-Known-as-Prince who was partying in 1999, it was all those pimple-faced anonymous geeks who built the Netscapes, Googles and other.coms of the world.

Thanks to these successful entrepreneur coders, there’s no longer shame in admitting that you are a programmer geek.  In fact, it means that you are a member of an exclusive club of brilliant logicians who are all just one killer app away from retiring rich and living large.

As a result, the image of geeks in movies, TV and pop culture has shifted away from the dorky “Revenge of the Nerds” virgins with thick glasses.  Now the geeks start dot-coms, stop bad guys, save the world, make millions, and get the (real live, not virtual) girl.

This short quiz will help you see if you’ve got what it takes.  The more questions you answer “yes”, the more you are programmed to be a geek.

I am a programmer geek if:

I consider 256 to be a nice, round number.

I become annoyed when 10K means 10,000.

I start counting from 0 and end up with one less than everyone else.

I end my sentences with a semi-colon.

I write equals as == and not equals as !=.

I know where to find the {braces} keys without looking.

I call text phrases “strings.”

I frequently use words like iteration, contiguous, trivial, version, array, polymorphic, parse and WTF in casual conversations.

When someone asks me what languages I speak, I reply: “C#, Java, PHP and Python.”

I hear the word “Scuzzy” and don’t think it’s a bad thing.

My favorite f-word is fdisk.

<rant>I include XML in regular correspondence.</rant>

I use camelCase for names.

I take things too literally.  For example, my wife gets upset when she asks “Do you want to take out the garbage?” (no) instead of “Will you take out the garbage?” (yes).

I respond to questions too logically.  For example, when a waitress asks me, “Would you like coffee or tea?”  I respond, “Yes.”

I answer negative questions in the technically-correct but awkward way.  When my mom asks me, “Wouldn’t you like a glass of milk?”  I respond, “Yes, I wouldn’t like a glass of milk.”

When I make a mistake or say something I shouldn’t have, I wish I could press Ctrl+Z.

When searching a paper book, I get frustrated that I cannot simply press Ctrl+F to find the text I’m looking for.

When a store cashier asks me for my zip code, I demand to see the store’s privacy policy.

I get sudden attacks of bittersweet nostalgia when thinking about my long-lost Commodore 64, Sinclair ZX-81, TRS-80, or Amiga 1000.

It’s hard for me to make an absolute statement because I always consider there may be an edge case.

I unit-test my wife, expecting deterministic, solid outputs for a certain input with boundary conditions.

I tell my wife to “stop throwing exceptions that I’m not willing to catch.”

I hold a mouse more than my wife’s hand.

I assume that most people love their jobs like I do.

I’d rather text the guy in the next cubicle than talk to him.

Nighttime and sleep are no longer irrevocably linked.

I understand (0x2b||!0x2b) and find it funny.

I think these programming jokes are hilarious.

I think xkcd is the funniest webcomic ever.

I believe these laws to be self-evident and true.

I think the three primary colors are red, green and blue.

I have more than one monitor.

I have more email addresses than pairs of shoes.

The number of computers in my house exceeds the number of romantic relationships I’ve had in my lifetime.

I run a Web server at home.

Instead of playing games on my Xbox, I install Linux and use it as a server.

I carry a USB flash drive in my pocket wherever I go.

I know what a router is, and I know what a bit is, but I don’t know what’s a router bit.

I helped my grandma create her own blog.

Whenever I use another person’s computer, I complain that they are not using Firefox and attempt to switch them.

I email myself to remind me to do something.

I rig up elaborate mechanisms to perform basic tasks.

I’ve written a useless program “just for the fun of it.”

Sources

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Article published on April 21, 2009




22 Responses to “How to Tell if You’re a Programmer Geek”

  1. Nestor Says:

    Well that proves it… I’m a geek!!!
    Oh and please send me my girl! 😉

  2. Victor Velasquez Says:

    Really cool! I will post this link in our Facebook Site, if you don’t mind.
    We love geek humor.

  3. Paula Says:

    Ya-

    I am I totally, messed ^ Programmer Geek, Jeez I even put my work schedule in my cell phone.. < wow That is really something, but I am Never late for work!

  4. GeekMo Says:

    I LOL’d at a bunch of these, my wife didn’t get ’em at all. Until she got to the one about emailing yourself as a reminder, then suddenly she proclaims herself a geek. I’m like, no honey, you’re not.

  5. Twitted by bertschneider Says:

    […] This post was Twitted by bertschneider – Real-url.org […]

  6. NotAGeekYet Says:

    I answer negative questions in the technically-correct but awkward way. When my mom asks me, “Wouldn’t you like a glass of milk?” I respond, “Yes, I wouldn’t like a glass of milk.”

    This mostly tells people you’re a Chinese or Japanese first…………..

  7. links for 2009-05-08 « pabloidz Says:

    […] How to Tell if You’re a Programmer Geek (tags: programming geek funny) Blogroll […]

  8. narf Says:

    I understand (0×2b||!0×2b) and find it funny.
    You got that one wrong, it should read 0x2A, not 0x2B.

  9. GeekBoy Says:

    […] I email myself to remind me to do something. […]

    I usually do this but never realize how geek I am until now.

  10. Marleyz Says:

    why not a flash disk all tym wen i dont know wen i will bump into a bug fixing idea or patch;

    somebody has got me here…………

  11. Nathan Says:

    Haha Brilliant! Found myself nodding along to pretty much all of those.:) Great blog btw.

  12. Happy Six Monthiversary!-Six lessons to a better romantic relationship with your programmer. « Daily Ridiculosity Says:

    […] it is important to establish a baseline. Are you truly dealing with a  programmer? Check Here or Here! If you can agree to at least five statements about your boyfriend, then continue […]

  13. Happy Six Monthiversary! Six lessons to a better romantic relationship with your programmer. « I Built His Cage Says:

    […] it is important to establish a baseline. Are you truly dealing with a  programmer? Check Here or Here! If you can agree to at least five statements about your boyfriend, then continue […]

  14. Elio Says:

    There are times I find a piece of well written code sexier than my girlfriend!

  15. Nsc007 Says:

    I like the (0×2b||!0×2b) one, but I prefer my own version:
    If ($2B || !$2B == TRUE) { question == TRUE }

  16. Nerdtastic Says:

    I still like this joke from http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/ more:
    Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
    Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

    That could be a method of determining geekhood!
    “Merry Christmas everyone!”
    “Dude, it’s Halloween!”

  17. Inception Explained Says:

    […] tweet by Stas Miasnikou is one of the best explanations I’ve seen for the movie.  However, you must truly be a geek if this comment makes you LOL: The main idea of "Inception": if you run a VM inside a VM […]

  18. Ando Says:

    Some really funny stuff. For me.

  19. Stephen Says:

    These are great! I made a web app that will allow users to share their own “You know you’re a programmer” jokes: http://www.kwyps.com/topic.aspx?t=11

    I’d like to put these up so they can be voted on! 🙂

  20. Ajmal Amirzad Says:

    I keep 2 of my USBs in my pocket. Save my work plan in my mobile. I am a programmer geek.

  21. moran_prem Says:

    Is it a Joke ??Then,it is most hilarious one.My Answer was No to all because i am not geek.I don’t want to be Geek like mention above. I just want to use all sense of my body and enjoy life.errr…………….Sorry “No to Geek!”.

  22. keith Says:

    yep, me a geek. male computer nerd to geek to female computer geek I want my alu to meet ur control unit and we make a cpu. get it.

    apparently, there is such a thing as an algoritm interesting. and a thing called pseudo-code. The only documentation I do is comments. lol

    some people drink to solve their problems I drink to solve my algorithms

    apparently, in Ireland if you getg 40/40 in file I/o and 85% on programming theory you are NOT good enough to be a tester.

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